Camus: Should I have a cup of coffee or urinate in the pool?
“The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.”
We wake up every day under the shadow of our absurd acts. We reach an age where our dreams start to dissolve inside the machine of recurrence. We move towards finding a bigger burden to throw on our backs for the remaining part of our breathing routine. Aside from that, I fall in love every day on the tram. One smile is enough for me to fall in love and one tram stop is enough for me to forget all about it. Emotions: a transaction, and life: an account statement.
Should I have a cup of coffee or urinate in the pool?
I’ll perform both at once.
The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.
Walking in and out of the office doesn’t feel much like moving anymore. It’s as if I’m walking in circles in a cockroach’s universe. But at the same time it feels good to be noticed every now and then in this chaotic world we live in. Writing a poem, singing a song, or even just preparing a perfectly salted pair of fried eggs can make you feel noticed by someone. I think we like to be noticed because it makes us feel we exist, that we are alive.
I’m having suicidal thoughts again I must say, but I have come to accept these thoughts as a necessary part of thriving forward. Or maybe the coffee is just cold, and maybe if I stand here facing the sun with the water covering my hips as I urinate, I will feel alive by being one with nature. Sometimes if I only catch the sun’s eye and it notices me, it’s enough for one day. Why, isn’t that enough for a whole lifetime? In the end one needs more courage to live than to kill himself.
And then Camus finished drinking coffee while urinating in the pool and hopped on the tram to catch another smile.
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